I’ve been meaning to follow up to my first Being Real post and let you know where I’m at. Well, I am back home in Texas now. My time at the counseling center was very helpful to me. I learned a lot about myself, if sometimes painfully. But it was a good experience that definitely began a lot of healing.
That said, I am not back to 100% yet. My mood is not completely stable and is usually low(er). I still have a fair bit of anxiety. I have not been able to get back into my current job yet. I’m still working my program, trying to read several books, and continuing to heal from the latest depressive episode. I am looking to the future and trying to figure out God’s next steps for me, a day at a time.
My grandmother suggested today that I would one day write a book about dealing with depression. I would love to (mostly because I’ve always dreamed of being an author), but I know it would be a big challenge. But I’m just throwing it out there, because if you have any thoughts on what you’d be interested in reading on that topic, I would love to know.
I don’t quite know how to tell you where I am. I’m so much better than I was. The days are not so dark, the anxiety is not as terrifying. And yet I know I still have so far to go. It’s been so long since I’ve been at 100% that I’m not even sure what it looks like. But I’m aiming for it–not for perfection, but for wholeness.
I read an amazing book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller. It fits perfectly with my last post, because it talks about story. And I’ve determined that I want to live in a great story, one bigger than myself. In the end, my story will not be about depression; but it will be about redemption. I’m trusting the Redeemer to write my story, the kind of story He does best: the one where all things are made new.