I’ve been considering blogging again/more. (I once read that the cardinal rule of blogging is to never talk about lack of blogging or about renewed efforts/decision to blog more, but there you go.) I knew that if I were to really, honestly blog, it might involve a large amount of honesty and “being real.” I wondered if I was ready for that. In the past it was so much easier to be real about my struggles, and I’m not sure if age and wisdom or fear has tempered that. But here I am, and I thought I’d give it a shot.
I’ve had another recent run-in with my old friends, depression and anxiety. The collision was to the point that I had to withdraw from another semester of school and temporarily pull out of my job on unpaid sick leave. I have now spent two weeks at a Christian counseling center in CA, getting more intensive and concentrated help to overcome the depression and anxiety. It’s been hard; it’s been grueling. Most days I’m exhausted from the work and the therapy. But there you go, and here I am.
I used to talk a lot more online about my depression punctuated by bouts of anxiety. Again, I’m not sure what has tempered that more as the years have gone by. But one thing I still believe is that open and honest conversation about these kinds of things can help erase some of the stigma associated with it. It can help others open up about their own struggles; it can help us feel less alone. So I’m writing and letting you know what I’m going through. I hope that if you’re struggling, it will help you know you’re not alone. I hope if you know someone who’s struggling, you might be encouraged to reach out and offer to be a listening ear. And wherever you are, I hope that it helps us all realize that we don’t have to let fears or stigma define us. Real is real. Let’s be real, and maybe we’ll all end up a little better for it.
And most of all, I need to say that God is faithful. No matter what, God is faithful in ALL things. Always.
Katy's Little Pencil 
Being open and honest is the BEST way to because of the exact reasons you mentioned. I suffer from alcoholism, bi-polar, borderline personality trait disorder, and ADHD. I hid from these title for years because I did not want to be defined by my “disorder”. It really was not until recently that I have a choice to embrace them and use them for good in my life, for once. For years I have let my anxiety, my depression, and my confusion plague me only pushing me deeper into despair. It was not until I got sick and tired of BEING sick and tired that I decided that I had to rise up and stand up to these disorders. It wasn’t until I found faith and began connecting to God that I learned that he has made me as I am for a reason. He has given me the gift of light to see that all the hell and despair that I have been through has been so that I may help others who may other wise be unaware that having a mental “disorder” is no different then being physically sick. I think God has blessed people such as ourselves in the sense that he is speaking through us to reach out to others in our same boat. I love your honesty and I appreciate it just the same. I am an open book because if I am not then I might miss a chance to spread some hope to someone who needs it the most. I cannot hide from who I am, but I can embrace it, fight it, and turn it into something positive as God would have me do. It is his will now, not mine. Thank you very much for posting!! Stay strong and remember God will never, ever give you more then you can handle. Stay brave angel. ❤
We miss you and we are praying for you.
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