Not there yet

I know a lot of people who are in the process of trying to figure out what they want to do in life. Let me tell you: I am, too. I haven’t figured it all out; I haven’t gotten it down. I’m simply not there yet.

I was pretty sure I would have had it all figured out now, by age 25. I had planned on already having my graduate degree in counseling, probably on being married for at least two years by now. I was fairly certain I would already know exactly where I was headed for the rest of my life.

But I’ve found out God doesn’t work like that. Most of the time, He’s taken my pretty little plans and turned them upside down. Anytime I thought I had the timing just right, my world shifted a little and everything changed. Five years ago, my five-year-plan looked nothing like where I am. Definitely never thought I’d be in this kind of job, only in my second semester of grad school, with a very vague picture of life beyond this moment. Definitely never thought I would be “not there yet.”

But there’s a lot that’s happened that I never could have planned for. I’ve made some of the most amazing friends and relationships in the last few years of my life, most of whom I would have never met if life turned out how I planned. I would never have worked in an amazing children’s home for 15 months where I got to invest in and love some of the coolest kids ever. I probably wouldn’t be creating the even-more-special-than-it-was relationship with my sister as we live in our little one bedroom apartment and share a car back and forth from school and work. I’ve also learned lessons and gained passions I might never have been granted had I walked another route in life.

I talked today with some friends about how God seems to reveal His will and do things last minute. My life has constantly been changed and re-arranged in the “last minute” happenings that forever altered my course. I’m still not sure how I got here, or where I’m headed.

But I do know a few things.

I know I want to spend the rest of my life loving people and pouring my life into them. I want to run hard after the kind of life I don’t think is possible, just so God can prove it is…with Him. I want to pursue the best; I want to make a difference. I want to live my life in integrity, and truth, and hope, and faith. And most of all love. I’ve been loved beyond my imagining, and I want to chase after the understanding and “living-out” of that love. I want to help heal the hurting, and help them grow in hope. I want people to know the One who changed my life, so their lives can be changed, too.

So maybe I’m exactly where God wants me. Maybe what looks like a rather transient place is exactly the destination I was supposed to be at: right here, right now. And I’m going to trust that each step of my life is going to be crazily planted in front of me, if I only I have the faith and strength to keep walking. Because the fact is, I’m a pilgrim; on this earth, I’ll never be anywhere except standing in the midst of God’s love. I was made for another world; and in the meantime, I’m simply not there yet.

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