I remember when we used to drive as a family west from Dallas/Ft. Worth on I-20. My daddy always talked about how he loved the wideness of Texas blue skies, I love I adopted. I would often watch the sky as my dad drove our family along that interstate. I would see birds fly over head. I watched them soar along, wings outstretched, winds carrying them effortlessly over us. I used to want to be like them.

When I was 14, I had my first bout of clinical depression. When I was 17, I began dealing with it off-and-on on a regular basis. Major depression, they told me. It was hard. Some days took so much effort to get through that giving up seemed easier. I used to feel like some of the birds I saw flying over TX I-20: flapping wings, struggling to rise above the wind that never stopped buffeting them. That’s how I felt. And I used to want to be like the birds I saw who could simply hold out their wings and soar, carried by the wind.

I am almost 24. I drove today to see my psychiatrist. For the first time in a long time, perhaps a couple of years, I am on 2 medicines instead of 5. I drove back home and saw a bird soaring over me. For the first time in a long time, perhaps ten years, I felt a little bit more like the bird that was soaring instead of the one that fought the winds.

Nice things that happened today:

  • I had a lovely drive to and from Ft. Worth for my appointment. I sang along loudly to the radio, grinning especially when my favorite songs came on.
  • I had a brief napΒ  in between getting home and work. I had a dream that would have made an awesome novel. When the kids from rec came to wake me up, I stumbled to work groggily. Watching Enchanted with them made me laugh and put me in a surprisingly happy mood for someone so tired.
  • I got to eat a Subway tuna sandwich, Cheetos, and Cherry Coke while watching three back to back Law and Order shows (CI, SVU, and original). A small moment that made my heart very content.

8 thoughts on “Soaring

  1. I saw your profile over at 20sb, combined with reading your mini autobiography and this post I have come to the conclusion that you are an amazing person. Your perspective on life is really interesting and I feel that if I knew you in real life, i could learn alot about myself and life in general. Very, very awesome. Great blog you have here πŸ™‚

    • Aw, you are too kind! I’m not sure about an “amazing” person…interesting and weird, definitely. πŸ™‚
      Thanks so much for stopping by and reading my blog! I’m honored. I’m about to go check out your blog. Thanks for commenting.

  2. I missing wildness of my country Poland, reading that:) Studding in England is great experience, however there is nowhere like at home. You appreciate it more when you far away. It is great that you can find happiness in things that surround you, that’s a supreme gift. Cheers my dear.

    • Thanks so much for your comment. You’re right – there is no place like home. I’m glad England has been a good experience for you, though.
      Thanks for this comment.

  3. Hello Katy,

    I’m glad you are feeling better these days and are putting your energy in to good and fulfilling things. πŸ™‚
    I have had a bit of depression, too. I like to look for natural things to help whenever I have any problems so, I’ve done a little research into it.
    Here are some tips for low days. Drink St. John’s Wort tea, I like the Yogi Tea brand. St. John’s Wort has a composition in it that acts like sunshine to your pineal gland in your brain that controlls moods and is responsive to and needs sun light. I like to think of it as drinking a little cup of sunshine. πŸ™‚ The second thing that’s good too is Niacin, un-chelated. I read in a book called Brain Chemistry that most people that have depression are dangerously low in niacin, which is a B vitamin and deals with stress. Too much stress burns up niacin in your system and you need to replenish yourself. When the President was dealing with the Cuban missile crissis, I believe it was (?), he actually had the doctor give him a shot of liquid niacin to help him deal with the stress and make clear minded choices.
    So, just in case here are my tips.
    Keep smiling. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    • Hey! Wow, what great tips! Thank you so much for taking the time to share this with me. I will definitely have to look into both of those suggestions. Definitely some good stuff to learn; I’ll have to try them.

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