I’ve been meaning to follow up to my first Being Real post and let you know where I’m at. Well, I am back home in Texas now. My time at the counseling center was very helpful to me. I learned a lot about myself, if sometimes painfully. But it was a good experience that definitely began a lot of healing.
That said, I am not back to 100% yet. My mood is not completely stable and is usually low(er). I still have a fair bit of anxiety. I have not been able to get back into my current job yet. I’m still working my program, trying to read several books, and continuing to heal from the latest depressive episode. I am looking to the future and trying to figure out God’s next steps for me, a day at a time.
My grandmother suggested today that I would one day write a book about dealing with depression. I would love to (mostly because I’ve always dreamed of being an author), but I know it would be a big challenge. But I’m just throwing it out there, because if you have any thoughts on what you’d be interested in reading on that topic, I would love to know.
I don’t quite know how to tell you where I am. I’m so much better than I was. The days are not so dark, the anxiety is not as terrifying. And yet I know I still have so far to go. It’s been so long since I’ve been at 100% that I’m not even sure what it looks like. But I’m aiming for it–not for perfection, but for wholeness.
I read an amazing book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Don Miller. It fits perfectly with my last post, because it talks about story. And I’ve determined that I want to live in a great story, one bigger than myself. In the end, my story will not be about depression; but it will be about redemption. I’m trusting the Redeemer to write my story, the kind of story He does best: the one where all things are made new.
I love reading your blog Katy, you’re a brilliant writer, and I know if you did write a book it would be a truly excellent read and very well written. Thank you for this post, it is encouraging to hear that after a low episode it is possible to get back to feeling a little better, and hearing your faith that it will continue to get better. I hope you do reach feeling 100% well again, and that it happens in the very near future.
Katy, you are so amazing and I love you so much! Your posts are very encouraging and God has a way of speaking to my heart through them. If you wrote a book, I know it will be amazing. You are making a difference in the lives around you especially in my life and I know that God will use what you’ve gone through to bring healing to others as well as make a difference in this world. I truly believe this.
“It’s been so long since I’ve been at 100% that I’m not even sure what it looks like. But I’m aiming for it–not for perfection, but for wholeness.”
perfect.